Unexpected Lessons

The topic of this post could literally fill an entire blog of its own, but for now I'm just going to start with one post.  There are a whole host of emerging lessons that I am learning through my time in Chicago, about life and myself, that range from concrete life skills to harsh realities about the gap between my intellectual comprehension of systems of oppression and my own internalized privilege and subconsciously held "-isms."  Some of these lessons are embarrassing but mostly humorous, and others are embarrassing, sad, frustrating and shaming.  Since being honest about these lessons seems to be an important lesson in and of itself, please be gracious as I let you all in on things that I would find a lot easier to just not discuss out in the open.

• Navigating a city using public transportation and a street grid system can eventually allow you to not micro-manage and memorize your route ahead of time, every time.
• Don't mix bleach and ammonia based cleaning products.
• When buying a 20-lb frozen turkey for Thanksgiving dinner you are hosting, buy earlier than 2 days in advance, and do not expect it to thaw with a day in the refrigerator.
• Radiators make sometimes frightening clanking noises - this is no cause for alarm.
• Surprising to many (unsurprising to some), I am actually an introvert. Not an extreme introvert, but an introvert nonetheless. The perpetually journaling and reflecting ENFJ is actually an INFJ who really likes people.
• On a morning run in Garfield Park you will pass neighbors who are also jogging or walking their dogs at 6am on weekday mornings.
• Anyone who can actually successfully navigate government/public assistance paperwork and procedure is extremely resilient, patient and perhaps a genius.
• Defaulting to cheerfulness and polite greeting is actually an effective strategy when accidentally stumbling upon unconcealed weapons or other potentially dangerous situations in daily commute.
• Despite all the good intentions in the world, privileged people like myself should not expect some sort of reward simply for "showing up."  Showing up is necessary starting place but not necessarily anything more than that, and no assumptions are made about your character, intentions, or trustworthiness simply for "showing up" to places where you  are the minority in some way or another.
• Education and application of a critical lens to everyday situations still leaves plenty of room for the internalized racism of the privileged and experiencing myself as racist (among other intersecting -isms, I'm sure) is much more painful, awkward, and shameful than the well-articulated and rational understanding that all privileged people carry within them internalized "-isms" that can only be exposed and unlearned through a lot of tireless and humiliating self-examination. 

This is just a small sampling of the sorts of things I am learning about myself and the world in which I live this year in Chicago.  None of these lessons are completed - I am just articulating them while in the middle of the messy process of trying to "see the face of God in the city" through my own reflection, my community members, my site placement, and the neighborhood I live in.  Doing this year of service might seem really noble on paper, and perhaps aspects of it are, but the lived experience of this year and its gritty lessons rarely feel anything close to "noble."  I am not known for having great patience with myself and some of these lessons are going to require more patience than I can muster alone.